ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.
WATERBURY, CT—Reflecting wistfully on what he might have made of himself had he chosen a different profession, Dynatrend Solutions network engineer Alan Miller said Wednesday that he would be a systems manager if he had the chance to go back and do it all over again.
muahaha(skinny wives out there, don't get mad, it's a joke!
)These are all REAL headlines that I saw today:"Looking for my prize trout, not the usual carp"-Funny, clever... Scientists have been looking for the "missing link" and still haven't found him...
SAN ANTONIO—Shuddering as he recalled the details of the traumatic encounter, local man Christopher Gao told reporters Thursday that he walked in on one of his roommates having his way with his leftovers in the kitchen.
MONTAUK, NY—Badly shaken by what he had just witnessed, local boy Peter Danielson, 12, expressed shock Monday after a brief glimpse of his father’s toenails offered a terrifying vision of his future.
• You're beautiful, but what else do you have to offer? • I believe that griffins, good men and other mythical creatures exist - prove me correct, at least in one respect!
• Finding a good man is like nailing Jello to a tree - I'm desperate to nail Jello to a tree! • If you don't like coffee, there are always the movies and the baseball games!
If it's seven syllables long, I'll sing it to myself in the tune of "Camptown Races"."I'm looking for Mister Right", doo-dah, doo-dah,"Tired of the games men play", oh-bah-doo-dah-day Try it.PEORIA, IL—Wildly speculating about the tantalizing pleasures awaiting just out of reach, sleepover guests at the Rudder household reportedly could only wonder Friday what mysterious delights lie tucked inside the off-limits upstairs room.SANTA CRUZ, CA—Carefully inspecting the rows in hopes of deciphering the right configuration among thousands, local woman Mary Molatino was reportedly rearranging the condiments in her refrigerator door Friday like she was working on a puzzle in an ancient tomb.Enspire developed this financial planning game for a major United States insurance and financial services company.Directed at servicemen and women, the game takes the form of a tower defense…PHILADELPHIA—Confirming their findings were consistent across all observed locations and at all times of day, a report released Thursday by researchers at the University of Pennsylvania found that 15 percent of cars in mall parking lots are occupied by family members who stormed out to the vehicles following a heated argument.